Wind and Bone

My therapist replied that perhaps I needed to challenge myself a little more when I answered her question with, “I really enjoy walking… I can listen to music or a podcast, or just the sounds of my little town.” I had already declared that swimming wasn’t for me, as I felt too blind without my glasses. I had ready excuses for other options, like joining a hiking club (where would I even find that? – I live too far from the mountains…) or going back to school (with what money? and to what end?). I searched up interest inventory quizzes online, searching for some idea that would ignite me, something that made me feel nervous but also a little excited. Hoping for something really cool and interesting, my top hits came back as “reading” and “baking”, which when filtered through my age and stage lens looked more like “breathing” and “feeding”, which I felt I already had covered.

I already had a hunch, despite my wading through quizzes and inventories, where I would land. Deep down, I was looking for something specific – a challenge not for my logical brain or creative mind but for my physical body. Because for most of my life – maybe even all of it – I have tolerated my physical body, but I have not valued it like I have my mind. I have found success and enjoyment and accomplishment in many things, but aside from pregnancy, my body has just been along for the ride. A necessary entity because it provides the oxygen for my lungs and brain and muscles, but that was it. And while searching for a new challenge (and feeling a little left out in the family “exciting future opportunities” club), I had an epiphany – maybe my body could accomplish something too.

So here I sit, writing about this because I wonder if maybe there is something to be learned in the process, a jewel that I will miss if I just storm through it. I’m afraid of failing at this – I’ll be honest. Like in elementary school when (I’m dating myself here) we had to do Canada Fitness Testing every year, and I could never get the excellence rating in the distance run. But I am going to show up and start. Because like the Toyota ad from the Tokyo Olympics said – “You don’t have to be amazing to start, but you have to start to be amazing” (or in my case, to finish).

The goal – nothing crazy for most, but for me…a big deal. I have signed up for a 5K Run and I have 9 weeks to prepare.

Week One – Day One: Today I felt a mix of emotions. I was excited – to be starting something and to have a defined goal with a plan and a timeline. I also felt daunted as I could barely complete the first training session. 8 minutes total of running, and total distance in 28.5 minutes was only 2.5km. I have a long way to go.

Week Two – Day One: Today felt a little better. I took a slower pace, ran a total of 9 minutes with the added prescribed walking intervals. I ordered a second set of leggings – there is a learning curve with what to wear for these activities. I am enjoying listening to a running playlist and was happy to find these on Amazon… I have small ear holes and my AirPods don’t stay in when I’m running.

Week Three – Day One: I’m still just doing 9 minutes, but this time in 3 minute chunks. Today felt really good so I pushed and went longer than 9. It was a beautiful clear morning with no smokiness in the air. I didn’t have to work today but got up early to run anyway. I’m not sure if it’s my fear of being seen running but it was worth it to start the day like this.

Week Three – Day 3: Here’s a surprise. I like running outside! When I started the Couch to 5K, I was sure I would prefer the treadmill, but it’s a pain with the run-walk method to always adjust the speed. I love the light in the early morning and the scenery is always changing which distracts me from the pain.

Week Five: The nights before I am scheduled to run I feel both afraid and excited. I am fearful that it will be hard; that I will fail or get injured, that I won’t even start. But also pumped that I will be successful and that it will feel amazing (after), that my body and my mind are capable of this. I ran 17 minutes total today… 20 minutes straight is the goal for Friday and I feel excited and afraid.

Week Six: I did not make it 20 minutes. Some days are really hard.

Week Seven: It’s really beautiful outside at 5:30 in the morning. I ran under the stars and watched the light in the East start to change. I have seen more sunrises in the past 7 weeks than in the preceding 7 months. This week I managed 20 minutes straight with no walking breaks. I’m feeling like this might be possible.

Week 8: I’ve done two 5k runs so far. I am not fast, and I am “jeffing“, but I am feeling confident about finishing a 5K at the Calgary Police Half Marathon, 10K, and 5K. I would love to finish in under 40 minutes, but my times have been 42 and 43 and change. I plan to reward myself after the event with a new pair of actual running shoes.

Week 9: I think I am ready. And kind of thinking that I will keep going after Sunday. I have lost 5 pounds, and likely some inches as my hips and thighs are sliding more easily into my jeans. Unfortunately I think my calves are bigger though – might have to revisit tall boots. Hubby signed us up to do New Year’s Run! As much as I relish a break from running, I think there are too many benefits to stop. A winter run might be just what I need to stay motivated.

The Big Day: Today is the day! We spent the night in Calgary last night to avoid a crazy ridiculous early morning. We scoped out the route (looks like mostly uphill on the second half), had a lovely local lunch here. We had a low key evening at the hotel and tried to sleep early – unsuccessfully. But we were up and at-em in the morning, feeling pumped and ready to rock. The run was such a new experience. 1500 runners in all 3 events which was weird because I have never run with anyone – not even my dog. But there is motivation with numbers and I felt energized for the first half. I was passing people, even the lady who ran with the T-rex arms! But uphill on the second half was killer – even Eminem couldn’t quite get me going where I wanted to be. But…I finished with a PB of 41:07:41. And a whole lotta “pleased as punch” smiles on my face.

My race bib and my medal will be going up in my office at work – it’s where I spend the most time in one spot – and I am so stinking proud that I got it done.

Lessons? I’ll get back to you. I’m still just enjoying the high.