Plan

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2019 was a year of change and I have been frustrated with my slowness to adjust to this new normal. I have often been disappointed in myself, and have a sense that others may well be silently weary of hearing my disdain for present circumstances (even though they were willingly chosen). My husband likened these changes to turning a sea vessel. You don’t simply turn the steering wheel and away you venture in a new direction.  There is a time of significant slowing and then a rudder adjustment and finally a gradual repositioning. 

In many ways I am mourning the loss of time – and in particular time to nourish the part of me that longs to express myself in creative fashion.  In the past I did not adequately acknowledge my need to create as a means of making sense of the world, of myself, and of my faith. I didn’t realize I needed uninterrupted time to quiet myself and settle in to reflection and contemplation and then to pour out creative. As the cliche goes, “you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone”. 

I know God is teaching me something new.  And I know that learning can be a slow and sometimes painful process.

So here I sit, calendar turned over to 2020, and where do I go with this? The circumstance won’t change, so I must dive in and learn to move with and not against these new tides. I’ve been mulling over the idea of choosing a word for the year, a resolution of focus and a tint for these glasses of mine, and after a couple of false starts, I think I have stumbled on a word with which to walk through the year.  Adding more seems counter-intuitive, even foolish, but this word carries the gift of allowing myself not to do more or less – 

Savour.

So often these days I find myself daydreaming of past days and future days, of leaping out of the present and its discomfort.  But savour is the permission 

To delight in; to relish.  

To appreciate and voice the beauty in everyday things, moments. 

To lean in to people and ideas and rest.

To slow down long enough to ponder and reflect.

 

Savour is saying goodbye to plan A and going with 

Plan Be.